Have you ever thought about what it would be like if human beings were incapable of storing memories? The criminally underrated donghua — Beryl & Sapphire — brought this interesting premise in one of its episodes. One of the main characters, Sapphire, is a normal human being, except that he cannot remember anything that happened the day before. His memories will always be wiped clean in 24 hours — which means he has no recollection of what happened yesterday, several months ago, or even how he was born (not that anyone will remember this part of their life, lol). What’s interesting, though, he’s able to look into the future. He knows every little detail of what’s coming in the near or far future and the events surrounding it, including the relationships that he is going to have, how they will end, and even his death.
In contrast, his friend Beryl has no such abilities. Like present-day human beings, he can keep memories and has no idea what the future has in store for him. Therefore, his view about relationships and how he forms an emotional attachment with others are similar to other people. However, it’s a thoroughly different experience for Sapphire. Since he’s unable to keep memories, his view about the people in his life and how they contribute to his identity is vastly different from Beryl’s. Unlike Beryl, Sapphire’s appreciation for the people around him doesn’t accumulate over time — he merely knows what is expected of them. He, therefore, feels a sense of gratefulness even before anything happens.
If ordinary people are capable of building an intense emotional attachment with those they are most familiar with, Sapphire can’t fathom this experience. Everything has been laid out in front of his eyes — how the relationship will form, the kind of relationship they will have, and how the relationship will end. He knows all of these facts, and he’s aware that nothing can be done to change it. As an outsider who merely observes his thought processes, I thought that maybe it’s still possible for someone such as Sapphire to form a sense of long-term connectedness with the people he sees in the future, but this is not the case. The way Sapphire sees the future is like looking at a roll film that is steadily burning from its bottom.
Unlike how we perceive real-life experiences that sometimes linger in our minds as the byproduct of having memories, Sapphire has no trace of what was presented past the roll film’s burnt parts. Therefore, there’s no clear sense of who he was and the people he used to be acquainted with. With this, it can be said that he’s incapable of forming long-term attachments with the people in his life. Because for us to gauge the kind of devotion that we possess with others, we would also have to realize just how vital our role is in their lives; we need to know the kind of person we are and how it’s associated with a particular person. That’s why it’s easy for us to categorize the type of people we have in our lives, such as who we consider as our best friend, lover, or acquaintance.
These categorizations are associated with what we have experienced in the past, which makes it even more meaningful to us. From what we have come to know in the past, we draw predictions about what will happen in the future. The surprise element will build upon the excitement that has occurred and continuously ignite that feeling of what’s about to come in the future. This way, our bonds with the people around us can become stronger as we grow increasingly attached to the relationship’s real and imaginary properties. Yet to Sapphire, these people don’t have personally meaningful categorizations. Granted, he’s able to know the people who will become important in the next several years or months, but the lack of context or how things came to make him unable to understand the depth of his relationships. Sapphire merely sees the people in his life as something that is yet to be experienced, something which has an expiry date. There’s also no wonderings or predicting how things will end, making everything even more monotonous to him. Coupled with the fact that there’s no remembrance about what has happened, it’s easier for him to face the future from a purely detached lens. It’s just like watching a movie about another person’s life.
Looking at how things were, Beryl thought of a plan that could probably help Sapphire in remembering. So he created a device that can record the past — including the conversations that he had, places that he visited, and the faces of the people he interacted with. Feeling hopeful at the moment, Sapphire used the device, and as a result, he was able to know what happened the day before every time he woke up to the following day. Despite his efforts, in the end, Sapphire still couldn’t appreciate the past in the same way as Beryl. When he replays the recorded memory in the device, he merely sees it as something that was experienced by someone else. He can understand the importance of the event by only looking at the expressions and the dialogues exchanged between the people inside it; however, the feeling is merely that of an observer who’s witnessing someone else’s life. So he decided to stop using the device, seeing that it only brings pain to those closest to him. Beryl and Sapphire’s friendship ended because of this very realization. No matter how hard Beryl has tried, he could not leave any trace of meaning in Sapphire’s heart from the time they have spent together. It only felt like he was merely getting to know the shell of a person who’s devoid of any personal identity, someone incapable of creating meaning to their own life.
The crux of their story lies in the importance of personal meaning that one has regarding their life. Maybe it’s because looking back at things and anticipating what’s to come in the future has become the norm for most of us; we forget how we were able to form these meaningful associations in the first place and how it contributes to the present. If it wasn’t for our past and the people we have come in contact with, we’d probably live a life that only knows of one end while having everything laid out in front of our eyes. Indeed a life that I imagined would be the ideal way of living, yet perhaps leading such a life would be another story.
