It’s peculiar, to have certain feelings about what’s about to happen but pay no mind to it. Is it because I have always been this person who doesn’t want to prevent things from happening before it’s too late? If that’s true, then I’d rather drown this second. I don’t want to be the Bojack Horseman of my circle of friends. The one who’s always whining about the trials that came because of my own doings yet refusing to take the blame. I don’t, and will never want to be that kind of person. (March, 2017)
I wrote my thoughts about the show Bojack Horseman two years ago. And after following this particular show for two years already, I have more thoughts about it. Obviously, like a lot of other shows, there are several angles which I can look at when trying to understand the show. What first came to mind was how the characters interact with one another with more intricacies and nuances than any other similar shows I’ve seen thus far. What I meant by that is the fact that none of these characters follows a specific timeline or framework of how TV Series characters usually develop as the show progresses. Most of us moviegoers are familiar with the Hero’s Journey that nearly all protagonists/heroes of TV series and movies usually follow. I mean, the progression would vary, noticeably, from one character to another but the underlying patterns of character development will remain more or less the same. That is to say, it’s sometimes predictable how a character will end up in the show. I’m not saying that this makes any of these series or movies less enjoyable that they are, but I can’t deny the fact that having been served something novel makes it even more thrilling. And this is one of the reasons why Bojack Horseman is so engaging. To me, at least.
When I think about the protagonist or “Hero” of a show, I usually associate them with the narrative within the Hero’s Journey. The narrative was popularized by Joseph Campbell, which he described succinctly as:
A hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man.
They started from the bottom and was called on an adventure; their transformation started to take place, with the help of a mentor and a helper, they’re able to face each obstacle and temptation that they stumbled upon; of course, they’re going to experience something very dark and thus, they were reborn and this lead to a nearly transcendental transformation that turned into a process known as atonement. Consequently, they returned as a more “whole” being that has actualized; realizing their true purpose and meaning in the storyline. In other words, becoming better for oneself and those around them. Leaving behind legacies, forever being the reminder of their once impactful existence.Here’s where it gets tricky for Bojack: he never seemed to get past his atonement process. All of these complex processes…he managed to get past them. He managed to realize his wrongdoings and what steps to take to ‘return’ being a more actualized individual, but it never happened. And this probably never will.
For those who have seen the show, it’s clear as day that our protagonist or Hero, Bojack Horseman, is anything but exemplary in terms of human decency. If you asked me to describe him, the first thing that came to mind is how morally deficient and deceitful he can be (when I said morals, I mean personal moral codes). But that won’t serve the character any justice. Bojack has numerous sides to him; he’s deceitful, narcissistic, and he lacks self-awareness. Clearly, it’s inaccurate if we leave things at that. A lot of times, he has shown just how genuinely helpful, selfless, and extremely self-aware he can be. When I was watching the show, it threw me into this roller-coaster of confusion and disbelief…and yet, it also pulled me into a whirlwind of emotions such as joy, warmth, and hope. It’s as if I could almost see these characters as actual people in my life; not just some characters in a TV series. The relationship felt like a parasocial one but on steroids, lol. Anyway, jokes aside, what I was trying to say here is just that the characters are pretty damn 3D for a 2D series.
The problem with witnessing such characters is the identification process that we knowingly or unknowingly do to them. I don’t know about you, but I oftentimes find myself drowning and absorbing a character’s suffering and hopes when I’ve identified myself with them. This won’t make you question a lot of things about yourself when the character is consistent with their moral standings. Bojack, on the other hand, is not someone you would want to identify with. Like I’ve said earlier, he’s not someone you should be looking up to; he has done some very questionable and downright irreverent acts to the people around him. He has destroyed the lives of the people who were close to him and trusted him. But here is the catch, I think Bojack is every one of us.
When I say that he’s every one of us, I didn’t mean it like he, as a whole character, represents everyone. What I’m trying to get is that there must be a side of him that most of us can identify with. Because, what the writers of Bojack Horseman are trying to say is probably: “Hey, look, we know all of us have done some stupid and abusive things at some point in our lives, and you might think that some magic voodoo or miracle can solve it in the long run as we rethink about our past deeds…but guess what? Sometimes we just don’t realize it and keep doing it anyway. And there’s no way to stop because it has become so embedded within us, this ‘shadowy’ character that we think is so distant from us; something that’s no longer a part of us”.
I might have overdone that bit by a lot, but my point stands. This show, specifically, gave the awakening that sometimes things are just out of control. Sometimes we think that we’re in control or that we think that we have autonomy regarding our current situation. But the truth is, maybe we’re not that free after all even when we have the facts and data to support our convictions and the decisions that we make daily. Besides, to my knowledge, perhaps in real life, most people are stuck in their atonement process anyway. When I say most people, of course, myself included.
I remember committing some morally questionable acts in the past, and I’ve always treated it as something that is no longer a part of me; I’ve always looked at it as my worst moments in life and that it was never myself who did it from the beginning. Just like Bojack, there’s a part of me that wants to think that we’re merely a product of our environment. If your parents were abusive, then I, as an individual, is a product of said abuse. What I do or will do, would then have some inclinations toward being that specific trait. It’s not a ‘maybe’; I know that this is exactly how Bojack rationalized his process of atonement.
He simply didn’t care at that point; he’s just a product of his multigenerational abuse. But is he? And do I want to identify with that kind of rationalization? The key here is not the act itself, but the after thoughts and impact that it left behind. Don’t get me wrong, I felt guilty about it. I felt like dying every time the memories start haunting me. And I always utter words of atonement in order to rid myself of the guilt and pain. Nonetheless, I wake up the next day feeling okay. I managed to get back to square one of treating it as something that’s not a part of me. If something is not a part of me, then why should I be hold accountable for it? It’s in the past, I can’t change it anyway. Like Hartley wrote in his book:
“The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.”
Well, since it’s clearly in a foreign place, this once familiar thing becomes the unfamiliar. This opens a whole new world of possibilities; memories become mere ideas, ideas become mere memories. There’s really no consistency nor integrity in any of these notions. Does it really matter now, that these two notions become interchangeable? Well, that’s a question that I have yet to answer. But what I do know, is that, when the feelings do resurface, I don’t treat it as mere ideas. I acknowledge them. Though, by acknowledging — doesn’t really mean that I accept it as a part of me.
If I have to be honest, it’s still very hard for me to accept my ‘shadowy’ side or I guess the Bojack inside me. Anyhow, I don’t know what that has to say about any of the things I have done in the past, but all I know is that: 1) I have done terrible things in the past and I still feel guilty about them, 2) maybe they’re a part of me, maybe they’re no longer a part of me, and 3) if they’re still part of me, then…I don’t know what else to think. I want to believe that everything’s a clean slate past atonement. But maybe reality isn’t as forgiving as I want it to be. Because real life isn’t like the Hero’s Journey. It’s full of contradictory responses and halts. Major halts. Sometimes even full-blown stagnation or worse, regression.
As a final say, I think Bojack Horseman is a character that for me, was very hard to process. I have mixed feelings when it comes to defining his characteristics and the way he responds to the tragedies that happened in his life. Between his ability to be self-aware and yet not acquitting anything to make the situation better — at the end of the day, he’s just a portrayal of what a real person (or horse, lol) would do given similar circumstances. Characters similar to Bojack usually intrigued me, but I have never identified with one before. At least, not as gripping as what Bojack did to me. I know that this kind of character isn’t inherently ground-breaking since a lot of novels have done a great job at writing their versions of it. Nevertheless, the realization that I can empathize and identify with Bojack remains to be an experience that bewilders me.
09/11/19
